#johnlock incorrect

[tinkerbitch69]

Sherlock: Unbelievable. Here I am, the perfect wifeguy, and yet you haven’t even tried to propose to me >:(

Watson: wot

Sherlock: wot

[baker-street-boys]

Teen Rosie: Can you pass the butter, John?

John: Did you just call me John? I'm your father, that is disrespectful-

Teen Rosie: Fine. John Hamish Watson of the Northumberland Fusiliers, veteran of Kandahar, Helmand, and Bart's bloody Hospital will you please pass the butter.

John: (glaring) I can see you laughing over there Sherlock.

[whispersfrom221b]

Rosie: Daddy, I brought Maya with me. Is that okay? She's new in my class and I told her you wouldn't mind.

John: *chuckles* You're lucky Mrs H made enough food to feed an army, Honey. Hello Maya, nice to me you.

Maya: Nice to meet you, Mr Watson. Rosie told me a lot about you.

John: I hope only good things and not how annoying or embarrassing I am. Stop rolling your eyes, Rosamund. And Maya, you can call me John if you like. *shouts* Sherlock, lunch is ready. And wear some clothes, Rosie brought a visitor.

Maya: I can't wait to meet your famous Papa, Rosie.

John: Papa?

Rosie: Oh, I forgot. Maya, you can't call him my Papa here. Daddy and Sherlock are still pretending they're just "good friends".

John: Preten—?

Maya: Didn't you say they were dating for three years?

Rosie: Nearly four, but they're still trying to figure out how to tell me. It's quite funny to watch them pretending. So please, don't let them know I know.

John: You know I can hear you? I'm literally next to you.

Rosie: I know.

John: Since how long did you know?

Rosie: About from the beginning. But Uncle Myc said I should wait until you tell me and enjoy the show in the meantime. He said it'd be fun and you can always trust Uncle Myc to know the fun thing. You'll like him, Maya. Uncle Myc is the best.

Sherlock: Hello Bumblebee. Hello friend of Bumblebee, I'm Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, Rosie's godfather and John's good friend.

John: Sherlock, we can stop pretending. She knows.

Sherlock: She… oh.

[malpractisnt]

Sherlock x text posts >:

[strangesthirdeye]

Sherlock: *makes a deduction about the characteristics of the killer*

Y/n: *looks at Sherlock with a look of love*

Sherlock: *stops when he notices Y/n is silent* What are you doing?

Y/n: *with an expression of falling in love and a sweet smile* You're smart.. I love you.

Sherlock: *stopped responding and looked at Y/n with a blank expression*

John: *sighing* I think you broke him.

[sherlock-and-co-incorrect-quotes]

Sherlock: Watson, what does IDK, ILY and TTYL mean?

John, not looking up from filling Archie's food bowl: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later

Sherlock: Alright, I love you too. I'll ask Mrs Hudson

John: Wait- Sherlock, no-

[thegreatmousebafoon]

( y’all this is a long one- but trust me it’s worth it lol )

5 y/o Rosie ( in a strangers car ): You said my dads where at the hospital?

Kidnapper: Oh, yeah-… he was in a car accident. They just wanted me to take you home.

Rosie: right… and um, which one is it?

Kidnapper: um… the.. tall one. Your other dad is staying with him.

Rosie: hm, ok!… so, you drive a mini-van.

Kidnapper: uh.. yes? So?

Rosie: but you have no kids?

Kidnapper: …. No, I don’t- how did you-

Rosie: hm and no ring… can’t find a husband?

Kidnapper: Hey listen here you little-

Rosie: It’s probably because your well past your prime. I suggest some surgery. Not even working out or a touch if make up will help you-

Kidnapper: HEY- you- this is not worth it- I’m stopping the car- GET OUT!

Rosie: … I know what you’re trying to do.

Kidnapper: … what?

Rosie: We don’t have a car to get into an accident with and my dad, the taller one, thinks hospitals are a waste of time. My OTHER dad is a doctor, so if he was hurt he would probably take care of it.

Kidnapper: ok well… what are you gonna do about it? I’ve still got you.

Rosie: ( slowly hold up something in her hand )

Kidnapper: … you have a phone?

Rosie: No im too young for a phone, this is a pager.

Kidnapper: oh yeah? And who are you gonna page?

Rosie: my dads. About 45 seconds ago.

Kidnapper: …

Rosie: judging by your complete lack of skills, you where not hired by any of my parents various enemies, therefore you do not know who they are. I’ve been sending them Street names so they know where we are. I say you have about ( checks her hello kitty watch ) 15 seconds until they get here.

Kidnapper: …

Rosie: since we have some time, here are some critiques of your technique. First of all, actually do some research before you go into-

Kidnapper: you’re giving me advice? Shouldn’t you want to prevent me from doing this again-

Rosie: oh well, one of my dads, Sherlock Holmes by the way, in case you’ve heard of him, hasn’t had a case in a week and he’s just about lost his mind. If you where to manage getting out of this alive, I was hoping I’d have a case to give him, and I wanted you to make it interesting for him.

Kidnapper: … that’s… morbidly sweet.. I think?

Rosie: yeah, well, it’s kind of pointless now judging by the red dot on your head.

Kidnapper: Wha- ( turns around to see a laser pointed at their forehead ) … Oh shit-

Rosie: ( checks her watch again ) 20 seconds, they’re getting slow. By the way, my other dad, the shorter one, and the one that I’d guess is pointing the snipper at you right now, is a retired military veteran from Afghanistan, with nearly perfect aim. He has killed about-

Kidnapper: I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS A DOCTOR-

Rosie: He had bad days. Ok! Byeee-

Kidnapper: Wait- if you knew what I was doing, why did you stay in the car?!

Rosie: I was really hoping you’d be able to get my dads out of the house. They’ve been driving me crazy. Sorry you where such a disappointment. Have fun in jail!

[secondlastpsycho]

established relationship????? babe i wanted to establish that relationship with you

[antisocial-cheesepuff]

John: Sherlock, I think we have a problem

Sherlock: What, the fire?

John: No, the—wait, what fire?

Sherlock: Forget about it, this sounds more interesting

[buckingham-ashtray]

to me one of the funniest things in asip is definitely when sherlock brought the man previously from his flat to the crime scene without even introducing him except for emphasizing "he's with me" and gavin lestrade was trying to decide whether a) if sherlock has really gone round the bend and decided to take a hostage to keep as a pet and he should save this man from sherlock or b) if this man is even more of a dangerous sociopathic nutter than sherlock and he should lock him up and save london from this man

[heradion]

In most ships, the most common trope in fanfics is that one of them thinks 'I don't deserve you, you deserve better, i'm too broken' while the other one is like ' i've loved you for years , u have to be blind dumbass'

[baker-street-boys]

you can spot a bbc fan when they call him “john” and not “watson”

[whispersfrom221b]

Sherlock: Hrmpf…

John: What's wrong?

Sherlock: Nothing.

John: You sound like my mum. Spill.

Sherlock: You're dating Molly.

John: She just asked me—

Sherlock: She asked you and now you're dating her.

John: I'm not—

Sherlock: If I'd have known that all it needs is to ask you, I'd have done that.

John: Are you saying you'd want to date me?

Sherlock: Obviously.

John: How is it obvious?

Sherlock: I haven't destroyed any of your jumpers in months. And I ask before I use your laptop. Occasionally.

John: Ah, yes. The universal signs of attraction.

Sherlock: Indeed.

John: Listen, Sherlock. Molly asked me if I'd accompany her to her sister's wedding this weekend. That's all.

Sherlock: This means you wouldn't date me if I asked?

John: I didn't say that.

Sherlock: So you'd date me.

John: I would. If you ask me.

[sherlock-holmes-through-the-ages]

Sherlock: Am I in trouble? John: Take a guess. Sherlock: No? John: Take another guess.

[malpractisnt]

More sherlock x textposts i made instead of studying for finals

[221bstrange]

John, taking a personality quiz: What's a word that would describe m- Sherlock: Short. John: That's not one of- Sherlock: Fine, tiny. John: No that's not how it wo- Sherlock: Small? Portable? Petite? Miniscule?